Open Wide and Say "Aaaahhhhh."

Dental Office Grand Opening – Katy, Texas

Dental Math: There are 4,961 dental facilities in the greater Houston area. Over 1/5 of these seem to be in Katy, Texas. The population of Cinco Ranch (Katy) in 2000 was 11,196. An adult human mouth has 32 teeth. So, multiply 11,196 mouths by 32 teeth (358,272) then divide by 992 practices and you end up with a TTDP (tooth-to-dental practice) ratio of 362 to 1. In other words, in Katy, you have a dentist office for every eleven to twelve people. The city charters must have opted for setting up dental offices instead of having Starbucks coffee shops percolating on every corner (as in most cities). So it is no surprise that if the boys are playing in Katy tonight, they're probably playing for a dental facility. In fact, they are helping to celebrate the grand opening of Dr. Bryan Berteaux's new practice at Cinco Ranch Endodontics.

Endodontics is a specialist sub-field of dentistry that deals with the tooth pulp and tissues surrounding the root of a tooth. If you've ever been fortunate enough to have a root canal, you've been to an endodontist. Even though Lee and George profess to be good teeth brushers, that have had their share of painful trips to the dentist. So both pleased that they will be working tonight instead of being 'worked on.'

In a strange co-opt/marketing maneuver by Beverly, the band's agent, she has paired them up with a group called La Dee Da Catering. As the trio arrive, they meet their surrogate employers for the evening, Ray and Jan. They're both nice enough, but the dental staff mistake the trio for members of the catering company's band. No bother to George though, "Let them think whatever they will; as long as no one gets food poisoning and that prevents us from playing future functions, I'm okay with it." Matthew is just grateful to be playing in doors. Tomorrow's gig at an apartment complex is outside, so he is breathing in all the air conditioning he can force down his lungs in preparation.

The facility's surroundings are very serene, designed to calm visitors and take their minds off the pain - not from the root canals, but the pain of having to use a co-signer to pay their expensive medical bill. The office staff is eager to help Dr. Berteaux's first practice be a success. He approaches the trio and everyone politely exchanges introductions. His demeanor is much like the environment he's chosen; his voice is calming, his words gently pass through his perfect teeth soothing the ears of the listener. Each syllable links to the one before and after it like a soft hypnotic chain of sounds. This tactic, no doubt, lulls patients into an unparalleled state of relaxation to deal with the pain (again of the bill - not teeth). The guys are pleased to be playing for the grand opening of his office, or maybe that's just the hypnosis talking.

The three return to setting up as the good doctor prepares for visitors. Tonight's venue is to be instrumental music only - no vocals through the sound system. In fact, the sound system (affectionately known as the GP5000) has been brought upstairs, but has not even been plugged in. Due to not having to check vocal and equipment mic levels, the trio has finished setup earlier than usual and have some time on their hands - And this is never a good thing. The three are not destructive or anything, but given enough time, all of their conversations end up in some sort of juvenile dare (usually instigated by George). Today is no different - George convinces Matthew, then Lee to check out Dr. Berteaux's new equipment in the back rooms. By 'check out' he means demonstrate how to perform root canals on each other. http://www.george-p.com/Blog/BlogArt/DentalChair.jpg Lee and Matthew willingly participate, and George didn't even have to use the hypno-voice technique that he picked up from the doctor.

After a few minutes, the guys return to the front lobby. Understanding that they will be the first thing that guests will see as they enter the facility, they do some 'housekeeping' straightening up stray chords and tucking away cases. They want to make a good first impression for the practice. It's 5:00 PM and time to start. George has brought jazz arrangements of many of the 'regular' songs the band plays. He and Matthew find it invigorating to play these tunes without singing the lyrics. The songs have a freshness, and these two are forced to listen to what the other is doing more intently since the words are often used as guideposts in each piece. Lee could care less - words or not, he's happy to be pounding out the pulse on the bass drum and conga.

After 30 minutes or so of exuberant playing, the guys notice a an interesting pattern:

1.) Visitors come through the front door into the lobby,
2.) Pause a moment and smile at the band,
3.) Take one of the band's business cards from the edge of the piano,
4.) Look interested in business card,
5.) Leave the lobby headed to the back of the facility (never to be seen again)

So the guys find themselves performing for four or five people at a time, and for a very short duration. It's much like speed-dating...except it's between an audience and a band. After a while the trio realizes they've essentially been playing for an empty room. They can hear the crowd down the hallway, smell the food, but the view they have of a lonely reception counter. But the guys don't loose heart; they know their music is being heard down the halls and echoing into the examination rooms.

With the audience in another part of the building, Matthew seizes an opportunity. By now he has become bored with no vocals through the system. He begins singing on-the-spot parodies of each song played. Only George is within earshot to hear Matthew's lyrical quips about gum disease, flossing, crowns, fillings, gingivitis, etc. George loses it when Matthew sings "She's Got Decay" to Billy Joel's SHE'S GOT A WAY. He's smiling from ear to ear as more guests arrive through the front door. They think he's either really friendly, or there's a nitrous leak in the office and he's inhaled too much laughing gas. The visitors follow protocols 2 -5 listed above and quickly disappear from sight.

George encourages Matthew to sing the 'real' words to AS TIME GOES BY even though there are no mics. "But you said Ray and Jan don't want singing." " They just didn't want the sound to be too loud with vocal amplification - But we should be okay to sing a few without mics." Matthew agrees and delivers a passionate performance of the song. It's as if not singing for a few hours has built up some magical performance power in him. George asks him to sing another, in which Matthew complies with Patsy Klein's CRAZY. A peculiar thing about the human voice is that it entices listening. And tonight is no different: Like a pied piper, Matthew's singing has brought a few curious listeners back into the lobby where the band is playing. They eagerly sit in the waiting room chairs, and even make a few song requests of the trio. This encourages the band to continue down this path for the remainder of the night. George begins the only song he will sing vocals to this evening, COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS INSTEAD OF SHEEP (one of his favorites). More people re-enter the lobby.

A few tunes later and the guys finish up with LOVE CATS, a spunky song from The Cure that the trio has recently added to the repertoire. It features Matthew's bass playing and singing, and Lee and George gleefully accompany by singing out the backup vocals "...Da de da de-de de doo De da da dit-dee doo da!" As the guys pack up, many of the guests compliment the band as they head back through the lobby to leave. George and Matthew make two interesting observations: This is the first time that the band has played that people didn't dance. And secondly, no tips were awarded tonight (unless they were given to the catering company by mistake). Neither of these indicate the success of an evening, but it is a little peculiar. Even so, it's been a good gig, the guys are pleased to have helped out. Dr. Berteaux returns to the lobby and repeatedly thanks the trio (the guys welcome his hypnotic voice). George realizes that he really likes this guy. He has a very humble spirit, and an accessible personality not always allowed by younger physicians starting out on their own. The band suspects he will do well in this town of dentists and wish him the best.

Editor's Note: At the time of this blog posting, the band has made a return trip to the Katy area to play for another office grand opening. You guessed it - Another dental office!